Oathbreaker & Book of the Stranger - A Combined Recap

Sorry for the hiatus. I was at Bali last week on vacation, or what I call 'bootcamp' (courtesy of Amma). In all my semesters at college, I have never been as busy as I was this vacation.

I've now seen episodes 3 and 4. A friend suggested that I do just one combined recap of both episodes, and I agreed to that for two reasons:

1) We've seen episode 4, so it would be quite redundant to do a separate episode 3 review and make "predictions".

2) I'm lazy. 

Nevertheless, it is two episode's worth of writing, so it's REALLY long. Unless you've built an immunity, I wouldn't advise subjecting yourself to so much of my writing, all at once. Space it out. Anyway, let's begin.

Obviously, *SPOILER AND SPECULATION ALERT*

*... dum dum dumdum, dum dum dumdum, dum dum dumdum, DMMM.*

Castle Black

It's Easter Sunday, and Jon Snow's returned. Take a moment to appreciate this. People watch TV shows hoping for things to pan out in a certain way, and are extremely disappointed when they don't come to the resolution that fans want. Walter White dies. The Friends gang split ways. And don't get me started on How I Met Your Mother. But here, in Thrones, a show renowned for its sadistic creators who consistently kill off viewers' favourite characters, we are gifted for once with an ideal resolution. Jon is revived by Melisandre, in a perfect manner that (most) fans wanted and expected. Appreciate the rarity of this event. I certainly will never take this for granted. 

Kit Harington beautifully depicts the uncharted territory of revival from death, with some marvelous acting. Watch 'Game of Thrones Revealed: Episodes 53 & 54' to get a better idea of the incredible detail that has gone into showing Jon's waking up - a scene that took only a few seconds of screen time. 

Melisandre and Davos interrogate a shivering, naked Jon (Daaaamn, Jon - I'm literally uglier than a zombie). Jon reveals that "there was nothing at all" after he died. The dialogue is significant because it supposedly indicates that Jon has now developed a fear of death. He's experienced it once, and never wants to again. 

Note that Melisandre gave Jon life. Does that make her like Jon's new mom? Davos feels a parental vibe too and steps up to be Jon's dad in this time of need. Jon talks sadly about having done what was right, and still being stabbed by the Watch. Davos tries to brighten his spirits.

Jon: "I failed."

Davos: "Good. Now go fail again." (These were his actual words.)

Jon: "... Wow. That was just the worst pep talk ever. I think I might die again."

Jon somehow survives that terrible dialogue, and makes it out into the yard to be greeted by Brothers and Wildlings. Notice that Jon has now tied his hair, symbolizing a new era in his story - Jon 2.0, if you will. Tormund greets Jon with a jape about his pecker (joke's on him for saying 'pecker'), while mentioning that everyone thinks Jon is some kind of God (compare with Dany's storyline). Jon then goes on to hug his amigo Edd Tollett, and they have a nice exchange.

Voldemort: "Thanks for being loyal to me, even after I died."

Peter Pettigrew: "No problem, boss. Can I have a gift?"

Voldemort: "Yes, but wait. That's in the next segment."

Peter Pettrigrew: "Okay cool. I bet it's awesome."

In the next segment, four of Jon's killers are being hanged for their treason (weren't there 6?).

Each says their last words. Thorne is granted more respect than he is due, and gets to say a dignified dialogue about having tried and lost. Olly just gives Jon a silent look that's a cross between contempt and constipation. Jon then follows Ned Stark's words, "The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword." He himself cuts the rope and hangs his traitorous brothers, visibly shaken by what he has just done.

After that, Jon goes over to Edd and gives him his gift. He takes off his coat and gives it to Edd. 

Edd: "What? I get a coat?"

Jon: "Yeah, bro. In exchange for your loyalty and saving The Night's Watch, you get my sweaty black coat."

Edd: "I already have one. And yours is too big. And you died wearing that. It's full of holes and your bloodstains."

Jon: "You're welcome."

Jon then feels bad and gives Edd a better gift: command of the Night's Watch. He then dramatically leaves Castle Black, saying "My watch has ended." Mic drop.

In episode 4, Jon seems to have realized that he left all his belongings and his direwolf in Castle Black, and so his dramatic exit backfires. Jon is seen back in his room and he's packing up, with Edd Tollett still trying to get a grip on the situation. He criticizes Jon's decision to leave the Watch, but Jon rips him apart with solid logic.

Jon: "I pledged my life to the Night's Watch. I gave my life." 

Horns blow outside, and riding in come Sansa, Brienne and Podrick. Podrick has as much of a role as his horse this episode. The poor guy gets maybe 3 seconds of screen time, after which he disappears. Sansa dismounts and makes eye contact with Jon, which marks the beginning of a really awesome scene. After 5 seasons of being split up, we finally have a meeting between two Stark siblings. Also, after Tyrion and Dany last season, this marks the next major plot intersection. Let's hope for more of these.

Sansa and Jon catch up on their 5 seasons' worth of events, and then Sansa talks of going home. She suggests they go and take back Winterfell from the Boltons. Jon has recently become a fan of Ahimsa, and doesn't want to fight. Sansa raises the bar for asinine plans.

Sansa: "I want you to help me. But I'll do it myself if I have to."

Oh my God. She was JUST at Winterfell. If she could do it herself, why didn't she do it then? She accomplished nothing there. Why does she exist? She's as pointless as this sign:

Meanwhile, Davos talks to Melisandre, who has reverted to her mysterious persona after her recent magnum opus magic trick worked out. After Stannis, her latest obsession is Jon Snow, the new 'Prince who was Promised.' Davos plays the nosy interviewer and asks her what happened to Stannis and Shireen. But Melisandre listens to her publicity specialist and avoids answering these questions. Brienne conveniently walks up to them and tells them she has not forgiven Melisandre for killing Renly Baratheon with blood magic. She informs them that she was the one who executed Stannis, before walking off haughtily. 

Take a second to note that Davos, Melisandre, Brienne and Podrick all have no role now except to serve Jon and Sansa in their fight against the Boltons. They don't have any other ties to anyone else in Westeros. So, I predict that at least one of them will die this season. 

Near the end of the episode, everyone important is eating together. Tormund seems to be attracted to Brienne, Brienne isn't (yet?) attracted to him, and Edd Tollett isn't at all attracted to the prospect of them getting together. He makes a hilarious disgusted face, looking at them. This is one romantic arc I wouldn't mind witnessing, if Tollett keeps making these faces at them.

They then get a letter from Ramsay, who knows that Sansa is at Castle Black. Jon reads aloud the letter, which says that the Boltons will attack Castle Black if Jon does not return Sansa. Ramsay threatens to harm Rickon, Sansa and Jon with some vulgar written imagery. Amazingly, the people at the dining table are only mildly disconcerted hearing all of this. At my house, I can't so much as say 'poop' when we're eating. 

Sansa asserts once again that Jon should attack the Boltons. Tormund mentions that the Widlings have 2000 people who can fight, while the Boltons have a whopping 5000. Sansa pushes, saying that the northern houses will help her cause if they ask, and that they should do everything they can to save their home and their little brother. Jon agrees. 

As puerile as Sansa's plan initially was, I can't help but look forward to this war. The Wildlings are ferocious fighters, notably better than the soldiers of Westeros. Also, we can expect that at least some of the loyal northern houses will assist the Starks in reclaiming their home. Furthermore, we see (in another segment) that the Knights of the Vale are planning to come forth and help Sansa fight the Boltons. And to top it all off, we have all of these forces being led, presumably, by Jon Snow. One can only expect that the fight will go in favour of the Starks. Let's hope, however, that all of these advantages are not offset by the sheer proximity to Sansa's idiocy. 

But wait, what about the White Walkers? In one move, the Night's Watch is now devoid of Jon Snow and the Wildlings, the only advantages they had in a battle against the White Walkers. A look at the big picture tells you that, at some point, Jon is going to have to come back and help the Watch. Poor Edd Tollett has to manage until then. 

Somewhere in the Narrow Sea:

Sam and Gilly are on a ship in the Narrow Sea. Sam is on his way to freshman year at Citadel University, to get his Maester's Degree in medicine. His overly attached girlfriend, Gilly, wants to follow him there, but the University isn't co-ed. Seasick Sam is vigorously assaulting a bucket with his vomit, while reasoning with Gilly. The gist of their conversation is that Sam is going to drop off Gilly at his parents' place in Horn Hill, to allow for some Saas-Bahu bonding, while he attends university. Gilly doesn't want to leave his side, but Sam says it's for Gilly's and Little Sam's (that's their son's name, you dirty people) safety, and in the interest of the Watch. 

This scene is just to briefly inform us of Sam's whereabouts, and I wonder how much they will drag his story out in the rest of the season. I hope we get to see some scenes of Sam learning at the Citadel. Viewers have seen very little of the Maester's side of the Thrones' world. 

North of the Wall:

Bran and The Three-Eyed Raven (TER) are in a vision. The creators are now wasting no time with Bran, and are already showing us juicy bits of the past. The scene is a dramatic one, in an amazing location, which shows a legendary battle that took place years before the current events of the show. Bran and his tutor give live commentary to the battle.

The vision shows two Targaryen knights, one sharpening his sword and the other, Ser Arthur Dayne, wearing his helmet. We also see a young Barney Stinson-esque Ned Stark, Howland Reed and some other knights fighting for the Starks approaching. The two sides meet on a hill near the Tower of Joy, a famed and highly relevant tower in the ASOIAF world. Some unimportant banter takes place and then they draw their swords.

A very well choreographed fights ensues, which I can't hope to describe accurately in words. The lesser Targaryen knight gets killed by Ned early on, leaving Ser Arthur Dayne fighting alone. Double-sworded Samurai Jack takes on 5 of Ned's men, and chops them down one by one, leaving only Ned and himself standing. They battle and Bran notes how much better the Sword of the Morning is. Just as Ned is about to lose, an injured Howland Reed jumps up and stabs Ser Arthur Dayne from the back, and then Ned gives him the finishing blow. 

So, contrary to the universal belief, Eddard Stark did not actually defeat Dayne. The fight is intended to show that not all facts taken for granted actually happened the way people believe (which will probably be reiterated in future incidents too). However, whatever the details, we all knew that Ned couldn't ultimately die in this battle. Why? That's obvious. He hadn't yet become Sean Bean.

Ned Stark now proceeds to climb the tower, and Bran follows against the Raven's wishes. He calls out to his father, and Ned seems to hear. He turns around but can't see Bran. As Bran tries to follow him, the TER pulls him out of the vision. Bran is livid at his mentor's habit of ending visions at cliffhangers, and these seemingly pointless lessons. TER tells Bran that he has a bigger purpose than himself, and that he will not also end up stuck in a tree. But before he proceeds, he must learn.

Bran: "Learn what?"

TER: "Everything."

Yes, Bran must continue to train under the TER, until he becomes Google Stark.

Winterfell:

Ramsay is visited by Smalljon Umber, the head of another large house in the North. Umber has no love or respect for Ramsay (or his buddy, Karstark). But he's come asking for support, to help the Umbers fight the Wildlings who've inhabited the North. 

Ramsay: "If you kneel before me, and swear lealty to me, I'll help you."

Umber: "I'll slap your stupid face, how's that?"

Ramsay is taken aback by the lack of respect, but displays aplomb. He asks Umber how he can trust him, if he won't swear an oath. Umber offers Ramsay a gift instead. Unlike Jon's gift to Edd, Umber's gift is actually good for Ramsay, and therefore, bad. He gives Ramsay Rickon Stark and his full-time Wildling nanny, Osha. The internet curses Osha, as she becomes the leading candidate for this meme:

Rickon, like Bran, seems to possess the accelerated growth DNA of some strain of genetically engineered bamboos. He's huge now. Osha, however, looks the same. The two of them are shown to Ramsay, with Ramsay taking a liking to Osha immediately. Ramsay asks for proof of Rickon's identity, to which he is shown Shaggydog's chopped head (direwolf implies Stark). Ramsay is pleased with the strong leverage he now holds.

One notes that Umber and Ramsay made a fair trade. But who ever said that Ramsay was fair? Now that he has Rickon, he has no need to honour his side of the agreement. Plus, given Umber's disrespect of Ramsay, one can expect that Ramsay has a newfound craving for some Umber-flavoured epithelium. 

In the next episode, Osha is bathed and brought to Ramsay's room. When Ramsay asks what use he still has for Osha, Osha tries to seduce him - it involves talking while flopping her head from side to side like an infant with weak neck muscles. She tells him that she only served the Starks under duress. However, Ramsay knows that she was the one who helped Bran and Rickon escape, ergo, that she actually cares for the Starks. I suppose that after she slept with Remus Lupin, she developed a soft spot for all kind of wolves. 

Osha tries to stab Ramsay when she realizes that the jig is up, but Ramsay is too quick and stabs her in the throat first. She bleeds out on the floor. And thus, Rickon is left all alone in Winterfell, in the clutches of Ramsay Bolton. I doubt he'll be rescued before Ramsay does some damage. But who knows? Maybe he'll eat some fertilizer and grow to the size of Wun Wun by next week. 

King's Landing:

One could devote a separate TV show to the events of the last two episodes at King's Landing. But, since my reviews are already as long as pi, it would be prudent to reduce on words here. Therefore, I challenge myself to precis all of the events, in both episodes, within exactly 120 words. Here it goes.

Qyburn discovers Varys' birds - needy children.

Lannister twins interrupt the King's small council meeting, to address Dorne and Cersei's revenge. However, the councilors snub them and leave the meeting.

Tommen confronts The High Sparrow, to fulfill Cersei's wishes. Instead, he is swayed by the priest's words and is given a lesson on compliance with the Gods' wishes.

The High Sparrow counsels Margaery and strategically permits her to meet Loras. Debilitated by imprisonment, both succumb and agree to confess their sins.

Tommen and Cersei discuss freeing Margaery, and Tommen confides a secret told by the High Sparrow.

Cersei and Jaime make a mutually beneficial deal with the Tyrells - they will attack the Faith Militant, while Kevan Lannister "stands down".

120 words. Done.

The enigmatic part of all this is the secret that the High Sparrow told Tommen, who in turn told Cersei (the scene is cut just before he says it). There are tonnes of great theories out there as to what it is. My favourite (that's most preferable, not most likely) is that the High Sparrow told Tommen that the Tyrells played a part in Joffrey's death. This would explain Cersei's immediate reaction, in the next scene, to get the Tyrells in a battle with the Faith Militant. This could be her way of getting two revenges in one move. There are a lot more great theories, but I stopped Googling when I noticed the sheer volume of them.

We note that Cersei is still an umbrageous little girl, as she orders Qyburn to use the birds to find anyone in Westeros who slanders her. She doesn't need to look far, though, coz right at home, Olenna Tyrell gives her the Burn of the Day:

"Margaery is the Queen. You are not the queen, because you're not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family." OHHH SNAP.

Jaime also mentions a potential trial by combat, with Ser Gregor on one side, to expunge Cersei's criminal record. If there is a battle between the Faith and the Tyrells, I don't see how there could also be a trial held by the Faith. It's seeming kind of contradictory. That's why I'm really looking forward to getting more info on this storyline, in the coming episodes. I don't like feeling stupid. 

Braavos:

Arya trains with the Waif. It's the usual drill from the first two episodes, except it's now indoors. Who are you? No one. Get smacked. Arya talks about her family, the Hound, and her "list" to the Waif. The conversation is laid over shots of Arya practicing Silambam fighting with the Waif (and quickly improving), and smelling some powders. She finally chooses one powder and pours it into some beaker with an 'X", while H'ghar watches. I know the director is trying to make it seem mysterious and eerie, but at this point it's just overkill. We have no clue what this symbolizes, or if we'll ever find out. 

The Waif thinks Arya's list is rather short. 

Waif: "Are you sure you're not forgetting someone?"

Arya: "Which name would you like a girl to speak?" A diplomatic answer. I think we were all hoping she'd say, "Yeah, you."

Towards the end, Arya starts to really hold her own in the fights and even manages to get a nice shot at the Waif. Jaqen H'ghar watches approvingly and then takes her to the pool of poison water. He offers her a cup. Arya, of course, has truly evolved into "no one", which means she's immune to this water. She drinks a cupful, doesn't die, regains her eyesight... and she lived happily ever after? Seriously, though, now what?

Book readers are enraged that the story ignored one important fact from the books. There, Arya doesn't actually get her eyes back. Instead, it's implied that she can warg into a cat, and see everything from its eyes. Personally, I don't care because I'm more of a dog person. Anyhow, being no one seems way cooler than being a warg. Let's hope Arya does some cool stuff using her new abilities. More importantly, we are yet to see how it's relevant to the things going on in Westeros. The next few episodes will probably establish that link.

Meereen:

In Oathbreaker, Varys questions some girl (Vala) who was a part of the Sons of the Harpy. In a long and tedious scene, he manipulates her using carrots, not sticks, and eventually gets her to confess information about the Sons of the Harpy.

Varys: "Which of Daenerys' enemies are funding the Sons of the Harpy?"

Vala: "The Good Masters of Astapor... and the Wise Masters of Yunkai... and the slavers of Volantis."

Varys: "That's basically all of Daenerys' enemies. You've helped the elimination process in no way whatsoever."

Vala: "Yup."

Varys: "Okay, thanks. Here's a huge bag of silver."

If that scene with Varys wasn't silly enough, the next scene with Tyrion was probably one of the most fatuous scenes in a long time. Tyrion talks to Grey Worm and Missandei, and tries to pass the time by starting futile conversations and getting them to play a Westerosi version of 'Never Have I Ever.' The scene is awkward, fruits no new information, and acts as a very unfunny comic relief. 

If anything, the scene goes to show that, despite being a dwarf, Tyrion is incapable of making small talk. 

Varys then breaks the awkward tension to reveal the information he has gathered. Missandei and Grey Worm think that violence is the only way to stop the slavers, but Tyrion has other plans. He wants to negotiate.

After that terrible filler of an episode, Tyrion confronts these Harpy Sponsors in Book of the Stranger. The scenes of this episode are far better and display Tyrion's political and diplomatic skills. He makes some bold moves and is able to back them up with good reasoning. Looks like his Hand of the King internship really paid off.

Tyrion has to justify his plan to treat with the slavers, since Missandei and Grey Worm, having been slaves, are very against it. They proceed anyway, since Tyrion is the boss, and they meet the reps of the 3 groups of slavers. They argue about the abolition of slavery, and Tyrion exhibits some serious debate skills. Tyrion then gives them the offer that they must stop slavery completely within seven years, and that they must immediately stop funding the Sons of The Harpy. This is their best possible scenario, he says. They don't offer any objections, so we can assume that they intend to cooperate. He gives them each a whore, because that's only good culture, and leaves.

Former slaves confront Tyrion with the same objection - how can he have negotiations with slavers? Grey Worm and Missandei get Tyrion's back, and convince them that Tyrion is trustworthy and his plan is worth trying.

In private, Grey Worm and Missandei question Tyrion's seemingly generous offer of 7 years, and whether he is truly representing Dany's wishes. Tyrion reasons that he can't stop both wars and slavery immediately, and has decided that stopping wars was priority. Grey Worm and Missandei aren't wrong. But Tyrion is Tyrion, and viewers have faith that he knows what he's doing. 

In the coming episodes, we can probably expect to see that the Sons of the Harpy have stopped attacking. I also expect that Dany will show up around that time, and pass her judgement on Tyrion's work in her absence. I hope that one pans out the way we want it to.

The Vale:

It'd been a while since we saw Petyr Baelish, and even longer since we were in the Vale. Petyr Baelish is arguably the cleverest and sliest man in Westeros, to the point that many believe that he will sit on Iron Throne. It's not impossible. In this world full of surprises, I wouldn't even rule out Hodor becoming the king.

The scene starts outdoors with Robin Arryn, who we remember as the spoiled kid who loved his mother and her milk. He's seen shooting arrows, but his aim is so terrible, he'd miss the ocean from a boat. Littlefinger turns up at the Vale and the bite-sized sociopath runs up to hug him. 

Robin: "Uncle Petyr!" 

Baelish, thinking: I'm your stepfather, you brain-dead foetus!

Littlefinger lets it slide, and softens him up with a birthday present: a falcon. Robin is visibly pleased. Lord Royce, the Master-at-arms, comes up and accuses Littlefinger of lying about his plan to take Sansa to The Fingers, since he got news that she married Ramsay Bolton in Winterfell. Littlefinger adeptly lies his way out of this too, and turns the blame on Royce. He then says that the only judgement that matters is Robin's.

Littlefinger's bribe has clearly worked. Robin takes his cue and threatens to throw Royce out of the moon-door. Lord Royce suddenly becomes the embodiment of acquiescence. He talks about how he has loyally served both of Robin's parents and now him, and how he can be trusted completely. Petyr suggests that Royce be given another chance, and Robin agrees. 

They then discuss Sansa's situation - she's escaped Ramsay, but is being pursued by him. With some uncharacteristic display of sentiment for his cousin, Robin says that they ought to help her. Petyr agrees. Thus, he states that the Knights of the Vale will now "join the fray", to assist the Starks. 

For Stark supporters, the scene provides an ostensibly good development. However, if we know anything about Littlefinger, it's that he always has his own hidden agenda. It's very unlike him to want to assist Sansa (remember when he got her married to Satan?). The Starks would do well to use caution when dealing with Petyr's "help".

Pyke:

Theon Greyjoy gets on a ship and makes it to Pyke, unscathed. In a sweet, albeit brief scene, Theon meets with his sister and apologizes profusely for not going with her when she first tried to rescue him. His session with Ramsay has made him extremely subservient. Yara is more concerned that Theon has arrived just in time for the kingsmoot, and thinks that, basically, this* happened:

Theon tells her that he has no intention of being king, and that he actually wants to help her become the ruler of the Iron Islands. Awww. Yara didn't need to look far to find her new campaign manager. 

So, we know we're going to witness the kingsmoot in the next episode. I'm sure feminism isn't quite the rage yet in Westeros, so I doubt that people will be quite so open to making her the ruler. But if by some means Yara wins, then Theon will have some influence on her army. He might convince her to send them North to help the Starks, and repay the debt he owes them.

*Created at http://www.iphonetextgenerator.com/

Vaes Dothrak:

In Vaes Dothrak, we finally have one of the biggest ever developments in Daenerys' storyline. Fans were really thrilled to see this event after watching an entire season of her playing Cleopatra, stalling inside her pyramid. When we look back on Game of Thrones, this will be one of the major milestones that will be remembered. People will write songs and poems about it. And so, in that spirit, let me be among the first to do so: I'm going to cover the events at Vaes Dothrak, in verse. 

Kidnapped Khaleesi walks in the first scene,

Towards the Temple of the Dosh Khaleen.

A board of Khaleesis that look like old hags,

They meet her, undress her, and drape her with rags.

Their leader, a crone, who too had ambitions

Explains to Dany the council's traditions.

Tomorrow, all Khals will come and debate

This mutinous white-haired Khaleesi's fate.

Jorah and Daario together track Dany

They find her location with judgement, most canny.

They plan to rescue her after nightfall.

They hide their belongings, weapons and all.

At night, in the city, the two sneak around

But by two bloodriders they're easily found.

Jorah is weak, and is easily quelled

But with a hidden dagger, those two men are felled.

The temple itself was built by a great mind.

He used as much grass and wood as he could find.

Then he shrewdly elected to decorate the place

With two flaming lamps, and two more, just in case.

Dany speaks with the empathetic boss.

She follows convention but knows Dany's loss.

Dany then goes outside for some fresh air

And is mildly surprised to see her lovers there.

Rather than go with a risky abstraction,

Daenerys returns, with a new plan in action.

That night, Khals convened for the Khalar Vezhven

Not knowing their last breaths would take place then.

The Khals call Dany, and discuss what to do.

The old ladies want her, but Yunkai does too.

Dany says Drogo was a Khal with wits.

All other Khals are parochial shits.

The Khals threaten her, but Dany stays tranquil

No Khal can rule well, so she says, "I will".

She topples down lamps, to their consternation

And traps all the Khals in a huge conflagration.

Daenerys Targaryen, now twice Unburnt.

You don't mess with her, all Dothraki have learnt.

They bow down before the divine, fiery queen

As she glows near the Temple of the Dosh Khaleen.

This was a truly brilliant scene, with some great dialogues as well as the spectacular visual of the entire Temple burning to the ground, with Daenerys emerging from the flames. To put it in perspective, Daenerys just killed 10 khals in one move. She had no dragons and no army; she did it herself. Thus, she shows 100,000 Dothraki that she's truly something of a goddess (compare with Jon's story).

Now with their support, she can go back home and take care of all the problems she has. Astapor, Yunkai, Volantis and even Westeros better watch out. 

However, as amazing as Dany's triumph was, my favourite moment was this one. While every single person had their head bowed down to a naked Daenerys, Jorah the Perv alone raises his head to get another peek:

Post Episode:

The two episodes were overall great ones. We see some patterns: the Starks' are finally getting a reversal of fate. The Starks seem to have some potential allies in the Wildlings, the Arryns, some northmen and maybe even the Greyjoys. 

Also, you can see that Jon and Dany seem to have very similar stories - they are being "reborn" and are almost being revered as gods. Bran and Arya are both quickly building their skills, and we can see that their stories are beginning to crescendo. And lastly, Sansa is still a huge overall disappointment. At least she's consistent. 

I look forward to the next episode eagerly, and I'm sure you do too!

Note:

I'm well aware that I'm posting this just 12 hours before the next episode. I apologize for that, and the length of the combined review. I shall manage my time better from next week.

Home - A Recap

My adrenaline levels flew to an unprecedented high, watching this episode. And it's only Episode 2. A lot more stuff happens in this one, (my review is visibly longer), with 2 significant characters dying, 2 significant creatures eating and 18 million people rejoicing.

--- SPOILER AND SPECULATION ALERT ---

*... dum dum dumdum, dum dum dumdum, dum dum dumdum, DMMM.*

North of the Wall:

We start inside the cave of The Three-Eyed Raven, where the Children of the Forest hide from the rest of the world. This storyline is very new territory for most fans.

Puberty has hit Bran like nothing else has (and keep in mind that he's fallen from a tower and hit the ground). Bran has been at the cave with his mentor, Mr. Three-Eyed Raven, since the end of Season 4, and they're seen tripping together on an uncomfortable weirwood bed. It looks like the two of them are doing their best 'Arya' impressions with their eyes, but they are actually greenseeing into the past.

In the vision, we see little Eddard and Benjen Stark, fighting cutely in a happy Stark-ruled Winterfell. Their elder sister Lyanna Stark, rides in on horseback. She asks Ben who he'd spar with when Ned goes to the Eyrie to be fostered by Jon Arryn, and suggests the enormous stableboy, Wylis. Clearly, Lyanna isn't all that concerned with Ben's well-being.

Young Hodor, under the moniker Wylis, has been going to SAT classes and speaks fluently. Ned judges that the unskilled Wylis is a fair match for Benjen, and the two pick up their wooden arms. However, Hodor's mum, Old Nan, comes running out and forbids him from fighting. It seems that the traumatizing embarrassment of that was enough to drive him incapable of speech.

Bran is then told that it's time to leave but he doesn't want to. Mr. Miyagi gives zero fucks and forces him out of the vision, likening too much greenseeing to drowning in the ocean. Bran says, "I wasn't drowning. I was home." Bran then sees the present Hodor and they have a conversation. Here's a rough translation:

Bran: "Wylis"
Hodor: "You tripping? It's Hodor."
Bran: "I saw you as a boy. You could talk. What happened?"
Hodor: "If I could tell you, would we be having this conversation? And why did it take you 6 seasons to ask me that, you inconsiderate little shit?"
Bran: "Where's Meera?"
Hodor: "No. NO. You're getting WAY too heavy for that, you pubescent vegetable. Do I look like your bloody camel? I am not carrying you to her."

Hodor carries Bran to Meera. Outside, Bran tells her about Hodor's past, but she's preoccupied with something else: the coming war. More importantly, she's upset that Bran is training unproductively inside the cave, and voices her opinion. Snubbed, Bran decides to leave. Hodor barely gets a break, and has to carry Bran back. Poor guy was probably so disappointed when he found that the Three-Eyed Raven wasn't teaching Bran how to actually fly. After they leave, one of the 'Children' reassures Meera that this phase is temporary, and that Bran will soon need her help, 'out there.'

This is just an introductory scene to establish what Bran's powers are - he can look into his family's past. It also introduces Lyanna Stark, a dead but important character in the show. I believe Bran's powers could be the show's way of revealing some facts and secrets that no one else alive possibly can. Perhaps even secrets like R + L = J? Anyhow, we can be sure to expect some more visions with Bran in the coming episodes. It's like the only thing interesting about him.

Castle Black

It's the best episode for the Castle Black plotline.

It's night, and Thorne and his treacherous compadres are waiting for Davos' team to come out in 'peace'. Thorne has men with crossbows at the ready, and inside, everyone draws their swords too. It's going to be Pandavas vs. 2/5th of the Kauravas. Thorne sees that peace isn't an option and he gets a man to start hacking at the wooden door with an axe. Davos and co. just stand and watch as the door gets assaulted. They should do something, at least move a little away. Splinter is coming.

Ghost growls viciously with raging red eyes, ready to attack, and I can't help but applaud the VFX team. Just as the door is about to give, however, they hear a loud THUD. Charging in come the Wildlings, who've been residing south of the wall, led by a giant, presumably Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun (or "Wun Wun"), the only known giant who survived Hardhome. Looks like Dolorous Edd Tollett, who had left last episode to get their help, came through.

Thorne shouts "attack!," and we have a cute little fight in the yard. The Wildling leader, Tormund Giantsbane slices a man effortlessly. From the inaccessible haven of the first floor, an archer shoots Wun Wun on the shoulder. Wun Wun gets angry about the mosquito bite. The giant reaches out, grabs the mosquito by the leg, slams him against a wall, and slides him onto the ground.

I said last time that another battle between the Wildlings and The Night's Watch would be bad (for the Watch). The Watch only figured that out mid-fight. They all drop their weapons. Good idea, boys. Thorne walks up to the Wildlings disgusted with his craven fighters, and I bet, secretly wishing he had his own giant. He notices that Edd had brought the Wildlings, and calls him a "fucking traitor." Said the pot to the kettle. Edd says that the only traitors are those who shoved their knives into their Lord Commander's heart. Hear, hear.

Thorne: "For thousands of years, The Night's Watch has held Castle Black against the Wildlings."
Tormund: "Until you." Burn of the Day award goes to Tormund.

Olly goes completely nuts at this, for no apparent reason. The Wildlings restrain Olly, Thorne and the rest, and Edd decrees that they be put in cells. Edd takes Tormund, who's developed a liking to Jon Snow over the last season, to see Snow's body. Tormund says he will arrange for a fire, to burn the bodies, and leaves the room.

So at this juncture, it's already good news: Jon Snow is avenged quite satisfactorily with a very one-sided battle, Jon's killers have been thrown into cells, and we see that the Wildlings are quite prepared to fight alongside the Watch, need be. Little do we know, though, that David Benioff and Dan Weiss still have some generosity left.

King's Landing

The scene starts with a drunk commoner relating a risque anecdote about Cersei's Walk of Atonement. Soon after, he goes to relieve himself against a wall, where he probably shouldn't. As he's doing so, Ser Robert Strong (aka the Mountain, revived) walks by him. The commoner turns around and attempts to lubricate the knight's armor with his proprietary fluid, but the Mountain just gets "pissed" and slams his head against the wall like a hydraulic press on a watermelon. If only the Indian government took the same stance against public urination.

Cersei waits for the Mountain in her room, and she is seen pulling a loose thread from her funeral dress. When the Mountain arrives, she lets him escort her to Myrcella's funeral. We get another shot of that torn thread before she leaves, and that made me curious. Turns out there's some pretty deep symbolism in that action. This dress was the same dress that Cersei had worn to two previous funerals - Joffrey's and Tywin's. It's supposed to symbolize how much she's suffered and lost, to the point that her funeral clothes are falling apart. Amazing. It's all in the little details, people.

At the Great Sept, at Myrcella's funeral, we have a nice father-son-uncle-nephew moment, all with just two characters. Tommen explains why he wouldn't let Cersei come to the funeral - the Faith Militant forbade it. Tommen regrets not doing anything when Margaery and Cersei expected him to save them from the religious fanatics, and isn't meeting his mother out of remorse. Jaime consoles him and tells him to ask his mother for forgiveness.

The High Sparrow walks in, interrupting the King mid-conversation (and mid-funeral). Tommen runs off to see Cersei, while Jaime accuses the High Sparrow of being "a bold man." He tells Jaime that he fears the Gods, as well as death. He and Jaime talk about sins. Shut up old man, this is Game of Thrones; it's all sin. They parley (a lot) and Jaime draws his sword, while around 20 fighters from the Faith Militant magically come out from behind the pillars and surround them. Looks like privacy at funerals is against the principles of their belief. Jaime realizes he cannot kill the High Sparrow and still live himself. He allows Hector Salamanca to walk out with a smug expression. We'll see how long that lasts. A Lannister always pay his debts.

Tommen visits an understandably despondent Cersei, in her chambers. Cersei asks about Myrcella's gown color (gold, if it matters), after which Tommen apologizes for barring her from the funeral, and for laying eggs when the High Sparrow punished Cersei. He says he ought to have had them all killed, just as Cersei would have, for him.

Tommen: "You raised me to be strong. And I wasn't. But I want to be. Help me."
Cersei: "Always".

And that's the tale of how Tommen joined Cersei's Evil Kids coaching center. Cersei and Jaime now have a complete hold on Tommen to facilitate their family agenda. I expect that this will be the start of the Lannister family (minus Tyrion) getting payback for all the losses they have had to suffer.

Meereen

The scene opens with Tyrion drinking wine (why did I even bother stating that?) and making a eunuch joke upon Varys' disapproval. "If I lost my cock, I'd drink all the time". He then apologizes to Grey Worm, the Unsullied leader with no worm. Life with a dwarf and two eunuchs. Poor Missandei.

HBO Now summarizes this scene very aptly and succinctly as, "Tyrion demands good news, but he has to make his own." Poor Tyrion is flooded with bad tidings. Meereen's fleets are burned, without any indication of the culprit. All of Dany's un-slaving has been undone with Yunkai and Astapor returning to the Slavers. And the dragons are not eating. Tyrion decides to address this problem first.

Grey Worm gets one line - "If a dragon does not want to eat, how do you force him to eat?". Tyrion says that dragons don't do well in captivity. When asked how he knows this he says, "That's what I do. I drink and I know things." He gets all the good dialogues. He says that the dragons need to be freed. Using Missandei as an example, he states that dragons do not harm their friends, and takes it upon himself to get them to eat.

Tyrion goes down to the chamber holding the dragons, and walks up to them with a torch. Varys, who risked his life and position at King's Landing to get Tyrion here safely, has no complaints to Tyrion's ridiculously precarious plan and watches from the entrance of the cell. Tyrion talks to the dragons, saying he's friends with Danaerys.

Tyrion: "I'm here to help. Don't eat the help."
Viserion: "Dammit Rhaegal, we can't eat him now. Why? Oh, because he asked us. And as you know, all dragons must take orders from their dinner."

He keeps talking, describing the story of how he had asked his uncle for a dragon, and his sorrow to hear that they were all dead. But here they were, he says. The dragons by this point are quite docile, and seem to understand what he is saying. He removes each of their chains, thus allowing them to fly out and catch their own food.

With this move, Tyrion has slowly begun to build his resume to show to Danaerys, when she returns. The freeing of these dragons could also help him rule Meereen and solve the slavery problems in Astapor and Yunkai. Notably, people are taking Tyrion's ease of communication with the dragons to mean that he must be a Targaryen. I'm not yet fully on that train, for lack of evidence, but it's a possibility. We'll look out for anything else that points in that direction.

Braavos

Arya is still poor and blind, when the Waif shows up again to beat up Arya with sticks. Why she gets a high from doing so, we'll never know. Arya thrashes about wildly, always missing, but keeps getting hit. The Waif keeps asking Arya for her name, to which she correctly responds "No one," which is still, somehow, always wrong. At one point the Waif just walks away, leaving Arya in a violent brawl with the air. I'd say she lost that one too.

Suddenly, Jaqen H'ghar shows up and grabs her flailing stick, before she makes somebody else blind. An intense scene plays out where, in his icy voice, he offers her first a roof, then food, and then her eyesight, "if a girl says her name." She painfully rejects all three offers saying, "A girl has no name." She passes the test and H'ghar asks her to follow him. Arya follows him, thus on the road to becoming a trained fighter/ assassin. Also, can we just acknowledge that Maisie Williams plays a blind girl incredibly well?

Winterfell

Lord Karstark, the lord of one of the largest houses in the North, is doing menial messenger duty for Lord Bolton (first clue). He tells him that Sansa got away, and 6 of their men got killed. They talk of fetching Sansa from Castle Black, who will be with her brother Jon Snow, by killing Snow. They still don't know that Jon's dead, but it's a beautiful case of inconsequential ignorance, because they also don't know that other thing about Jon.

Bolton is against killing Jon Snow because everyone in the North will revolt. So will all Jon Snow fans, who've already been through a roller coaster of emotions. Ramsay tries to defend his mad plan and Lord Karstark supports him (second clue), but Lord Bolton slaps them with "If you acquire a reputation as a mad dog, you'll be treated as a mad dog."

Maester Wolkan comes in to announce the birth of Roose's first trueborn son, from Lady Walda. Karstark and Ramsay congratulate him and Roose Bolton tells Ramsay the one thing he should not not have said, and with witnesses around, no less.

Roose: "You'll always be my firstborn."
Ramsay: "Thank you for saying that. It means a great deal to me."
Inside, he's really thinking, "Thank you for saying that after getting married to Lady Walda. It means a great deal to my starving hounds."

He then stabs Roose Bolton in the stomach, and Roose collapses onto the ground. The maester gawks at Ramsay, while Lord Karstark watches without surprise. Yes, the murder was premeditated, with Lord Karstark in on it. Maester Wolkan is conveniently present as an amenable witness. Ramsay tells him to spread the word that Roose was poisoned by his enemies. He also calls for Lady Walda and his new brother. NO. WHY? Joffrey was a pink fluffy teddy bear compared to him.

Lady Walda meets Ramsay and lets him hold the baby. That was probably one of the tensest moments in the show. He smiles and returns the baby, and he asks her to follow him, when she asks for Lord Bolton. Lady Walda missed the Game of Thrones orientation. If Ramsay wants to takes you somewhere alone, you're about to die. Ramsay's cruelty reaches new heights when he takes her to the kennels and, long story short, lets his dogs feast on her and her newborn. Ramsay watches.

Outskirts of Winterfell

Brienne, Sansa, Theon and Podrick are chilling in a snowy forest. Brienne tells Sansa about Arya, when she was last seen with Sandor Clegane. She doesn't know which way Arya went, though. Sansa doesn't want to talk of Ramsay's mistreatment, but apologizes for not taking Brienne's help when they met earlier. What is it with these Stark girls both rejecting Brienne's help and travelling with dangerous male escorts (Sandor Clegane and Petyr Baelish) they barely know?

Podrick and Theon fetch firewood, and Podrick tries to light it up. Sansa has contributed literally nothing to this group project, and pretends like she doesn't know she should help. Brienne, in stark contrast, is an overzealous and extremely jobless knight, happy to swear oaths, serve and fight for anyone related (even remotely, I bet) to Catelyn Tully.

Stranger: "Brienne, you used to serve Catelyn Tully? I've seen her. I accidentally made eye contact with her when -"
Brienne: "- and keep your counsel, and give my life for yours if need be. I swear it by the old Gods and the new."
Stranger: "Lol cool"

Theon hears some horses and his special Ramsay sensor tingles. He tells Sansa that they aren't safe. Sansa says that they will be safe under Jon's protection at Castle Black. Theon voices his fears that Jon might have him killed for all his crimes to the Stark family and, after a touching speech, makes a decision that I did not see coming. He's going back home, to the Iron Islands.

Now that Theon is going back to his family's land, which is in a little corner of its own, I don't know if I'm really going to care about what happens to him. Let's see if he can give us a reason to care.

Iron Islands

Ah, the Iron Islands. A land so boring that even their God committed suicide by drowning himself.

Balon Greyjoy and his daughter Yara are in the midst of a long, terribly boring and inconsequential conversation about Balon's attempt to hold mainland castles. Most of the dialogues add no value to the scene. Here's a concise gist of the conversation:

Yara: "We're good fighters at sea, but on land, we can't even protect a small patch of grass. Last time we tried to fight a war on land, I lost 2 brothers. Don't try that again."
Balon: "No, I will."
Yara: "Why?"
Balon: "I'm king and I said so."
Yara: "Fuck."

Balon Greyjoy crosses a bridge between two towers, amidst a downpour of rain. Euron Greyjoy, Balon's younger brother shows up, blocking Balon's path. He is dressed like the Grim Reaper, and he goes on to play that role.

It's the simplest murder case ever: Euron wants to be king, so he decides to kill Balon. Before tossing Balon over the side of the bridge, he gives a vainglorious speech, including statements like "I am the Drowned God," and "I am the storm." Wow. Multi-talented guy. Looks like he deserves to be king.

At Balon's funeral, Yara Greyjoy swears to feed her father's killer to sharks. Touching. Then, she's told by the maester that she does not directly get to become the next ruler. Instead, it shall be decided by a kingsmoot (an election). Yara seems more upset about this than her father's death. Her face seems to say, "Goddammit. Now I need to find a bloody campaign manager."

Castle Black - 2

The last segment is back at Castle Black, currently the most happening location in Westeros.

Melisandre is staring at the hearth, deep in thought, when Davos walks into her room. We're so accustomed to Melisandre's profound clairvoyant statements that when we see her wallowing in mediocrity, it comes as quite a change. Davos says he wants to talk about the Lord Commander Jon Snow, and Melisandre corrects him, "the former Lord Commander."

Davos: "Does he have to be?"
Viewers: *Wait what? Don't screw with me.*
Melisandre: "What are you asking?"
Viewers: *Come on, Davos. Ask the right question.*
Davos: "Do you know of any magic... that could help him? Bring him back?"
Viewers: *Davos, you beaut. Holy shit, this is it.*

Melisandre is hesitant to elaborate, but Davos pushes and asks if she knew how to do the magic. He coaxes her into trying to do the magic by complimenting her powers (quite smoothly, too). Melisandre agrees to try. Davos was the real hero of the night, if you ask me.

The final scene is 6 minutes long, with Melisandre herself performing a long ritual that takes around 4 minutes of screen time. In case you want to revive some stabbed friends, here's how to do it.

Jon's revival ritual involves a visit to Melisandre's Rejuvenation Saloon, where she gives Jon a slow and sensual makeover. She first gives Jon Snow a bath, then a haircut, a beard trimming, a hair-wash, a head massage, and finally a body massage. The body massage seems to be the majority of the ritual, where she chants some Valyrian words, over and over. Melisandre's expression gets more and more desperate each time it fails, and the onlookers get agitated. Finally, out of desperation, Melisandre uses the ultimate magic word, that kids have been taught to use for ages, when they want something:

Kid: "I want some ice cream, and Jon Snow alive again."
Mom: "What's the magic word?"
Kid: "Please."

They wait for a few moments, before they all give up and leave the room. Davos is the last one to leave. We get an extended shot of Jon's dead body, with viewers at the edge of their seat, waiting for something to happen. Then, Ghost, who has been sleeping the whole time (priorities, huh?), wakes up eerily and stares at Jon's body. Viewers hold their breath. We see a shot of Jon again, and then in the last second of the episode, BAM! Millions of fans around the world are proved right, and outsmart one of the greatest TV shows of all time. Jon Snow takes huge heaving breaths, like those of a newborn child, and comes back to life. Who doesn't love a massage with a happy ending? ;)

Post Episode:

So, Jon Snow is alive, and everyone's grateful to Melisandre and the creators. He's breathing and he's not pale, so he's not a White Walker either (as some theories said). Somehow, I was never really certain he would come back. So when it did happen, I wasn't sitting smugly, like, "Yup, I knew it." No, I'm embarrassed to say, I was screaming ecstatically into a pillow. Also, I admit, I was wrong about him being alive inside Ghost. But hey, at least I was right about there being a supernatural connection between them (see how he wakes up just before Jon?).

Now that Jon's alive, he can take charge of the Watch again (poor Edd didn't even get one day of leadership), and plan ahead for the White Walkers. He will also be there to receive Sansa when (if) she comes to the Watch for sanctuary and can protect her from Ramsay if he tries to attack. Lastly, he can appoint Sam Tarly as Maester when he gets back from his training at the Citadel.

Also, unlike most amazing deals in life, Melisandre's revival trick is more than a one-time thing. If Jon dies again, she can happily revive him again. The creators know, of course, that that makes for a terrible plot, so we can expect that Jon won't need to be re-revived anytime soon. I hope.



As always, give me your feedback, good or bad. I'm learning as I write.