Asphalted Vortex of Entropy

I happen to be in a unique position where I have roughly equal experience driving in America and India. Granted, those quantities aren't very large, so it's like saying I have an equal understanding of Gujarati and Bengali, but the statement is nevertheless true. So, I'm going to use my position to describe driving in both countries, and give you my reasoning on which is the superior experience. I'll start with India.

I got my Indian driver's license over 2 years ago, after I spent a month training at 'Modern Driving School', named almost ironically since I was learning in an ancient Hyundai Santro. I learned how to use the clutch, obey traffic lights and speed limits (when cops were around), and avoid collisions by using the horn rather than the brakes. Most importantly I was taught to respect the One True Law of Indian Roads: buses are the bosses. Submit to their monstrous municipal might, or be bumped, dented and squished.

At the end of 30 grueling but edifying days, the same guy who taught me to drive also took me to the RTO. There, my multi-talented instructor suborned all the right employees to "expedite" the process. But bribery was so rampant and obvious in the RTO that one would assume it was a part of the official protocol. After that, I had to actually take my driving test, which tested my ability to drive on a straight, empty road. How unrealistic. For good measure, I tried showing off my prowess to the examiner (who was watching from outside) by doing a U-turn and driving back to where he was standing, but by then he had already left. A few days later, I got the license I had purchased.

It was only after that that I began to drive unsupervised. Thanks to some further training from our family driver, and hours of practice on Mario Kart 8 (which was, in fact, inspired by Indian roads), I quickly acclimatized. It was not long before I was swerving around unexpected potholes with finesse, creating gaps between the four cars abreast on a two-lane road, and honking masterfully at vehicles, pedestrians and cows. These obstacles separated the weak from the impatient. However, none of these skills translated to good driving when I began to drive in the US; in fact, I started with a bit of a handicap.

I have only been driving in the US for about a year; it was around April 2016 that I decided that I should put the lives of American citizens at risk by trying to get my license. After learning America's comparatively byzantine driving rules, I took my first driving test in my friend's bright blue Mustang convertible. I say "first" because I failed the test, after driving like I would have in India. The unforgiving examiner sitting next to me shrieked as I sped up to try to make a yellow light, and didn't make it before it turned red. She only got more livid when I ignored a stop sign, a yield sign, and executed what I can only call 'perpendicular parking'. When she coldly told me I had failed, I remember asking her if there was any limit on the number of times I could take a driving test. She looked at me for a second and then said, "despite the way you international people drive, no."

After a few weeks of practice, which were haunted by the examiner's screams every time I saw a yellow light, I took the test again. I was so afraid to get stuck with the same examiner that I booked my driving test in the town of Logansport, an hour's drive away. It was worth it: this time, the woman administering my test was far nicer. Despite a rocky start, I managed to keep my drive violation-free and my examiner shriek-free. She told me I had passed, and a week later I got my hard-earned license.

At the beginning of my internship last August, I gave a graduating PhD student a check for $3200 and he handed me the keys to a dark red Kia Optima. I should mention that the two events were unrelated acts of goodwill, because calling the car a "gift" allowed me to save $200 on taxes! #TaxHacks. Anyway, I was now the 5th lucky owner of this 8-year-old crimson chariot that was in surprisingly good condition. After shaking the guy's hand, I got into the car and turned the key. The engine hummed in obeisance to its new owner. I happily reversed out of the Taco Bell parking lot (where the transaction had taken place) and thus began terrorizing the streets of my college campus.

Since then, the expertise I had gained on Indian roads has begun to ebb, because driving my Kia is so easy. Everyone in the US knows that the white and yellow lines on the road indicate lanes they must follow, and aren't simplify intended to beautify the road. They slow down when the light turns yellow, not just when the cop turns towards them. They use the horn in cases of impending danger, not ascending anger. They follow signs for directions about rules, not just for directions about routes. Their whole process of driving is so regulated, structured and predictable. And that's why it sucks.

In the US, you don't get that adrenaline rush from "almost dying" every four seconds, that is so characteristic of our urban Indian roads. There's no necessity for that nimble Desi steering that so stimulates the mind and reflexes, as we carve out a path through a gauntlet of potential collisions. People don't stick their heads out and unleash streams of extemporized invective the way auto rickshaw drivers do at the mildest provocation. Overtaking another car here is viewed as a perfunctory event, not a power tactic to assert your dominance over that annoyingly slow Maruti 800. It's all so humdrum; there's simply no challenge.

So, the next time you hear me lionizing the asphalted vortex of entropy that is the Indian road, I hope you will understand the sentiment. After driving in my motherland, I find driving in America far too mundane. Just today, I nearly fell asleep when I stopped at a Stop sign. Therefore, here's my verdict. An Indian driver in the US might have his license revoked for breaking several American rules and bones. But if he's looking for an exhilarating threat to his life, he will find the roads quite inadequate to the task of challenging his battle-trained reflexes. 

Hunger: Symptoms and Remedies

From the day they are born, all humans are plagued with a chronic malady called Hunger. Now, the field of Medicine has progressed leaps and bounds (it must have if a walking foetus like Trump is alive at 70). But no amount medical research is able to find us a cure for this vile disease. All that it has to offer us is a highly inefficient palliative care treatment that people call 'food.'

Most of my problems as a working student arise from this abdominal infirmity. As I just mentioned, 'food' is such an inefficient medicine that you need to take it 3 times a day to get any form of relief. And if you're expecting some cute paracetamol-sized tablet, prepare yourself for a huge let-down. They don't come in small bottles or packets, oh no. Each dose requires a plate!

Now, Hunger is one uncompromising and relentless bugger. If you so much as decide to skip one 'meal' (one of the three daily installments of said treatment), some uncouth offspring of a T-Rex and a chainsaw will begin growling and throwing tantrums from the depths of your stomach. And you thought your girlfriend was high maintenance?

Obviously, I am not exempt from this ailment, and I deal with it everyday like so many of my brave comrades. Since I am at work from 8 to 5, I only get a small amount of time at home. And a large portion of this time is spent in my local palliative care center, commonly called a 'kitchen'. My kitchen is stocked with many popular medicines from Chennai. With rice, rotis, pastes, podis, oorgas, dosa maavu, and other such homemade Indian remedies, I am usually well-armed to deal with Hunger, no matter the time of day.

I am by no means a parochial person. No sir, not at all. Just like there are some people who believe in Ayurveda, Homoeopathy and Accupuncture, I too subscribe to other branches of the "food" industry, such as Chinese, Italian, and American food. Proof of this can be be found hidden inside a chest of drawers in my room, which contains such alternate remedies as noodles, pasta and Lays chips. While Indian food is far superior in 'taste' (an expected side-effect of food) to these other cheap, inferior drugs, it takes a longer time to prepare ('cook'), and so I typically cook in bulk on the weekends and store it in my low-temperature medicine cabinet.

Ordinary medicines can be found in pharmacies, I'm sure you know. But food products are now available in such variety, and purchased in such quantity that they require their own larger, dedicated pharmacies, commonly called, 'grocery stores'. Knowing the tribulations that I would face this year, I cleverly chose to rent an apartment near a famous grocery store called Walmart. This means that whenever my kitchen runs out of ammunition, and Hunger starts getting the upper hand, I need only hop, skip and jump to Walmart, buy some food, and make the avaricious ass shut up.

So let me now tell you about Walmart, which is basically a large-scale commercial solution to Hunger. Walmart is a magnificent store; I typically go there on weekends. The moment you enter Walmart, the first thing that strikes you is its sheer size. It's actually great fodder for "big" jokes. Many Walmarts have their own gas stations, and looking at the size of their parking lots, you can see why. When you go inside, you'll see that Walmart is home to an entire population of friendly people clad in blue, that call themselves, 'shop assistants.' The store is filled with multiple parallel highways (called "aisles"), each lined with shelves of food. You'll often hear, "clean up on aisle 747", followed by a discussion among the locals on which assistant has the appropriate visa to go there.

Upon entering, I grab a grocery cart from near the entrance, and drag it inside. I say 'drag' because these lovely Walmart employees always pamper their customers with carts that have one broken wheel, so that we can shop and get a solid workout at the same time. Now that's customer service! I walk for a few weeks, and eventually reach the different aisles I need to go to. I typically buy some bread, milk, cheese, juice, fruits, vegetables and Greek yoghurt ('extremely getti thayiru' for my Chennai peoples).

Note:

The reason that I buy so many different things is actually quite complex, so stick with me. Despite the fact that all food cures (stalls) Hunger, and thus is innately healthy, people have still redundantly decided to segregate food into healthy food and junk food. Let me make it clear, it is all an elaborate machination to make money! Did you watch The Martian? Mark Watney survived one-and-a-half years on potatoes grown in his own shit. Walmart could easily have been just a shitty-potato factory. But no, it isn't. It's because, from Day 1, they tell you this incredible lie: "you have to eat a 'Balanced Diet'".

Balanced Diet is basically a game where each food product is assigned a certain quantity of vitamins and minerals, and you have optimize which ones you ingest each day to get a high score. If you get too little of any one vitamin or mineral (there are some 50), game over. You fall sick and die. In this manner, they ensure you spend more money on lots of different things. The US, to its credit, is very skeptical of this balanced diet theory, and so you'll see that many households simply subsist on potatoes (just eaten in different forms). But the rest of the world, including India, naively believes this theory. My parents seem to be almost religiously attached to this idea, and they constantly give me strict prescriptions on what kinds of food to buy. So, that's the tale of why I'm buying all these "healthy" things.

Anyway, back to Walmart:

After finishing my grocery shopping, I drag my cart back towards the entrance. The cashier is another member of the population who scans my stuff and puts it into bags. I grudgingly pay this agent of the Balanced Diet conspiracy, take my bags, and jump, skip and hop back home. Once home, I sort the Hunger medication by type ('healthy', 'digusting', and 'only bought it to appease my conscience'), after which I proceed to the hardest task of the day. I cook.

So, in this manner, I have managed to keep Hunger at bay for the last 4 weeks. Let's hope that this strategy continues to work for the coming months. I was told to limit the length of posts, so I'll stop here and describe the act of cooking itself next time. Stay tuned. 

Professionally Jobless

"I'm in the office right now. Talk to you later."

A 19-year old shouldn't have to say those terrible words. And yet I already have, over a dozen times, these last 3 days. It's a tough life. I sent someone that message just now, and that drove me to vent my vexation into this blog post. Let me tell you why.

It's Day 3 of my co-op, and I'm already counting the days to when I'll go back to college (a mere 346 days, if you were wondering.) Don't get me wrong: this is a dream life by many standards. No homework, complete freedom, a car, and a good apartment. I shouldn't complain, you're right. But, at least right now, the job is so boring!

I wake up every morning at 6 am. You'd think after having done that in school for 14 years straight, it might be a simple matter. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. I learnt how to use toilet paper in a week (that was a bad week), but waking up early? Still as hard as it was 16 years ago.

After accomplishing the Herculean task of getting out of bed, I rewarded myself with a hot shower (going to value those more as it gets colder), and get dressed.

Dress code for the office is "casual business-casual" which means I have to wear closed-toed shoes, but they needn't be Oxfords. I should wear khakis, but they needn't actually be a khaki colour. My shirt must have a collar, but not necessarily a pocket or a full-length button placket. Basically, my clothes say, "What's up?" (articulated with a smile), but not, "A very good morning to you, sir." 

Incidentally, the former was what I used to greet my boss with on Day 1, before I realized that I was being an ass, and quickly amended it to, "Nice to meet you!"

After a breakfast of some disgusting Apple-cinnamon oats, of which I had bought a jumbo pack of 20 in my credulity to their advertising, I left my apartment. I jumped into my car, and drove off. I'll do a separate post on "Driving in the States", but let's just say that traffic moved like clockwork, and it was a placid me that got out at the office. 

I used this neat magnetic fob that I was given on my first day, to get into my floor, and then to my desk.

My desk. So many shelves and cupboards, and a large counter-top. It's kinda like a kitchen. 

Security at the office is nuts. We have this little device that randomly generates a new code every 30 seconds, which is used to log in to our online system. I mean, it makes sense; lots of cutting edge R&D happening here. What doesn't make sense is giving ME access to the building. Look at me, three days in and I'm already blogging about the place for the world to see.

Don't worry, I won't reveal anything even remotely confidential. I'd probably get it all wrong anyway. 

So, I reached my desk, booted up my PC and started reading up on some training materials. Safety procedures, and some Quality Maintenance policies. The first PDF on Day 1 was cool to read because it was my first task at the job. Today I read my 56th PDF. The thrill of that exciting file-type had fizzled out by then. That's literally all I've been doing so far. 

By 10:00 am today, I was done with all the training PDFs they had, as well as all the project-specific technical videos, PowerPoints, and PDFs (my fave!) that they had given me. I spent the rest of the day beating my own high score in some phone games, learning some words for GRE, and sleeping facing the computer, so that people would think that I'm working. (A little inspection would have given me away, though, since the task that I was "working" so hard on, comprised purely of that weird multicolored ball gyrating on my screensaver.)

There was an exciting part of the day where someone actually spoke to me! I know, right? A nice Korean guy on my team spoke to me about potential plans and projects that I could contribute to. He told me to sit tight while he figured some things out, after which I could join him. My boss also showed up and gave me some background on the project, and calmly answered some pretty intelligent questions that I had lined up to impress him. Don't think it worked. After a quick chat about some potential tasks for me, these rare, almost fictional creatures flew away again, not to be seen for the rest of the day. They still haven't got back to me, so I expect that that will only happen tomorrow.

After a decent lunch (more about the cafeteria and lunches in another post), I had a similar agenda. I'm literally being paid to do nothing, at least for this week. At around 2 pm, I took another clandestine nap. And it was in the middle of that fabulous nap that I got a call I was forced to cut, because 'no phone calls' is a tacit rule.

The thought that I was sitting here doing nothing, when I could be at home, doing nothing in comfort, or taking phone calls whenever I wanted to, really pissed me off. It really is annoying, giving up a year of your life to work at a company, and far worse, waking up everyday at 6 am, with them practically ignoring you. I was gradually being inundated by boredom, so I had to take action. I decided to blog about it.

So that's the story of why I'm sitting jobless (ironically) in the office right now, using Blogger. It's 3:30 pm now, and not a single person has even raised an eyebrow at the website that's been on my screen for over an hour. Oh, well. The perks and drawbacks of being a co-op. I'll tell you more about it soon. 

Winds of Winter - A Recap

I'm running out of superlatives to describe Game of Thrones episodes. If last week's war episode was amazing, the finale this week was King Kong. The episode was jam-packed with brilliant resolutions to plots that have been building up all season. The predictable endings were executed way better than I imagined they would be, and the surprises... they BLEW ME AWAY. 

*SPOILER ALERT*

For the last time this year, 
*... dum dum dumdum, dum dum dumdum, dum dum dumdum, DMMM.*

Sorry, couldn't resist.

King's Landing:

We hear church bells through the initial minutes of a very lengthy segment at King's Landing. Everyone knows about Loras' and Cersei's trials at the Sept of Baelor. But rumour has it there's gonna be an insane after-party and everyone intends to dress up really stylishly and blow the roof of the place. Oh, they have no idea. Tommen, Cersei, Margaery and the High Sparrow are all seen dressing up, wearing the trendiest fashion in Westeros. Margaery looks great, and Cersei, in a fancy black dress, is dressed to kill. The High Sparrow wears a potato sack. Tommen is emotional and afraid, and since there's no one else in the room, he keeps looking at the cameraman for moral support. He doesn't seem to be getting any. 

At the Sept of Baelor, the GoT equivalent of a church-cum-graveyard, a huge curious gathering has assembled to witness the queen's brother, and king's mother get punished. The community spirit in King's Landing is exemplary. Ser Loras is visited by the Faith Militant, and they clean him up. The hideously under-dressed board of directors, the Seven septons, walk in straight lines worthy of Rickon's approval, to the center of the Sept. They then sit down in a circle of 7 chairs facing each other, like it's some AA meeting. The High Sparrow gives Margaery a naughty look on the way down, like, "I hope I'll be seeing you at the after-party, babe." Margaery smiles politely at the creepy pedo. 

While Margaery has punctually shown up at the Sept, Tommen is late (You're only king once). He's still sulking in the The Red Keep, afraid for the Faith's judgement of his mother, and it looks like Cersei isn't even planning to go. Cersei should have been locked up in the Sept of Baelor and shouldn't have been granted bail or anything else. 

Grand Maester "Wannabe Dumbledore" Pycelle is also dressing up, and chooses to wear his giant bling-bling maester's chain to enchant the ladies. He shoos the whore currently in his room away and then preps to leave. On his way out, he's stopped by a girl we recognize as one of Qyburn's birds, who whispers some false secret to Pycelle, to make him follow her. 

The scenes in the episode kept shifting really often, so bear with my back-and-forth narration. 

Back at the Sept, a clean and trimmed Ser Loras shows up for his trial. Ser Loras has just gotten out of jail, and doesn't want to waste his first few hours of freedom with seven oldies in a church. He makes the High Sparrow's job really easy, and ends the trial in under 2 minutes.

High Sparrow: "Ser Loras Tyrell. Are you prepared to stand trial and confess your -"

Loras: "Yeah, yeah, I confess!"

High Sparrow: "To which crimes do you -"

Loras: "Whatever you want. Everything!"

High Sparrow: "Okay very good. Now the next step is -"

Loras: "Holy hell, this is slow. Shut up and just scratch my forehead."

High Sparrow: "Lol ok. That ends your trial, I guess."

Loras is tattooed and that ends that. 

The other 6 septons give death glares to the High Sparrow.

Septons: "We came all the way from different corners of Westeros for this, you senile shithead. We didn't even get any dialogues! Next time, before you call for 6 holy judges, first make sure that the guy isn't just going to confess everything."

High Sparrow: "Sorry guys. But wait, wait. Cersei's trial is still left. She'll come and make your time worthwhile. She'll come, don't worry."

Cersei doesn't come. Back in her room, Cersei's doing Cersei things - she's just chilling with a glass of wine at the table. In Tommen's room, Tommen finally builds the courage to leave The Red Keep. But then we get the first sign that some unexpected shit is about to go down: Ser Robert Strong physically bars Tommen from leaving the room. Of all the theories for why the Mountain was back, who ever thought that "He's going to babysit Tommen for a few minutes in the finale," would be the answer. 

Back at the Sept, Margaery and the High Sparrow talk of Cersei's absence, and the High Sparrow doesn't approve. He tells the Faith Militant to go find her and "show her the way". Sounds like some drug cartel euphemism. Lancel leaves the Sept, and finds a child running out. His own pedo instincts take over and he decides that Cersei can wait. He follows the kid down a dark passage. 

Pycelle has also followed a little bird and makes it to the dungeons where Qyburn works. Qyburn is sitting quietly in the dark room. Qyburn says some ominous things about getting rid of the old and then asks for Pycelle's forgiveness. Suddenly the room is filled with his little children, holding knives. To the background music of some choir of children singing what sounds like "oh-yooo" on loop, or more aptly, "aiyooo", the Grand Maester is stabbed to death by Qyburn's kids. Looks like they'll do anything in exchange for a handful of Hershey's. 

At this point I was already like, "Hmm, nice. Finale-worthy scene. A nicely done murder of an important-ish guy, even if he was already likely to die if you just leaned on him." But the episode had so much more in stock.

Parallelly, Lancel has followed the little boy to a dark room that seems to be full of barrels. As he looks around for the boy, and calls out to him, the boy stabs him in the leg and runs away.  

Margaery looks around and realizes Cersei isn't at the Sept, and approaches the High Sparrow, making a logical argument. 

I love how she smiles bravely for the crowd, despite saying, "There's something wrong."

Margaery: "Cersei and Tommen aren't here. There must be a reason she's absent, coz she knows that the trial's judgement applies to her whether or not she comes."

High Sparrow: "Relax, babe. She's not planned anything evil.  She's probably just drinking wine or something, but my guys will make her come. Now about that after-party..."

The High Sparrow, skilled though he was at "the game," is proud, and that is his undoing. He underestimates Cersei, overestimates his own power and thus makes this fatal mistake. Margaery tries to usher the crowd out of the Sept, but the Faith Militant don't let her. (Why can't she leave? She's just an audience member.) The entire gathering gets up and starts asking for refunds, but the Faith Militant are like, "The Crone's wisdom shows us the way and the way is no refunds. Sit your asses back down." Everyone is trapped inside because of the High Sparrow's obstinacy. 

Underground, Lancel crawls through his pain, noticing the barrels and realizing what he's looking at. He crawls up to some green wildfire liquid, and on it, a burning candle that's almost out of wax. As he crawls, the music quickly increases in tempo, starts to pump, reaches a peak and then stops momentarily. At the point when Lancel nearly makes it to the candle, the flame touches the green substance. In place of a beat drop, we get a gargantuan BOOM. We see the gorgeous reflection of the green explosion in Lancel's eyes, as the green flame spreads at incredible speed. It runs through the base of the Sept of Baelor, through the floor and into the main hall. And then, in a quintessentially Game of Thrones moment, everyone dies. 

The High Sparrow, going Super Saiyan as he's dramatically enveloped in flames.

The Sept of Baelor is completely obliterated by the explosion. Cersei smiles from her A-row seat as she looks at the orgasmic detonation of all her enemies, in one go. She sips a glass of wine, turns around and does her own classy version of walking away from an explosion. 

Remember Septa Unella, the excessively enthu-cutlet septa who was in charge of making Cersei confess in her cell? She was also the one who relentlessly sang "shame, shame, puppy shame" throughout Cersei's walk of atonement. Cersei, now with no one to stop her, keeps her promise to torture and kill the Septa. Cersei uses wine as her preliminary method of torture and pours it over the Septa's face. She asks the Septa to confess that she tortured Cersei because she enjoyed it, and not out of religious duty. 

Cersei charitably admits all the bad things she does because she enjoys them, including drinking wine, killing her husband, fucking Jaime, and lying about it. After admitting all of that, she gives us a great line, "Even confessing feels good under the right circumstances." Unella's says she is ready to die. Cersei tells her that she is going to suffer for quite some time, invites Gregor Clegane to the room and tells Unella that he is her new god. As she utters "shame" repeatedly, Gregor approaches and tortures the Septa, and we hear her shrill agonizing screams. Not that anyone cared either way, but one of the directors hinted that Unella might still be alive next season. 

From his own room, Tommen has seen the rubble and smoke where the Sept once stood and is distraught. His own mother isn't with him in his time of need; she's busy with her best friend, another glass of wine. Presumably, these are Tommen's thoughts right now:  

"My wife and her family are dead, my bestie Mr. High Sparrow is dead, the only family I have is my mom and she's a scheming monster, my babysitter is a zombie, and my cat's been missing since Season 4. Why live?" 

After a servant leaves his room, he removes his crown (coz why get that messy?). Cowardly, though he is, Tommen has inherited Jaime Lannister's penchant for pushing kids out of tower windows. He grabs the nearest kid he can find - himself, climbs onto the windowsill, and throws himself at the ground. This king's landing in King's Landing kills him.

As David Benioff notes, Cersei's kids were the one thing that kept her sane and human. Now that all her kids are dead, just as that witch once predicted, there's nothing to keep her behaving like a decent taxpaying citizen. She's already taken a page out of the Mad King's book and burned down a lot innocent people without remorse, and tortured one of the many people who troubled her in the past. Surely, this is just the beginning. Scary. 

Qyburn shows Cersei her son's body, and asks where they should bury it. Dead bodies are usually buried at the Sept of Baelor, but what do you do when the entire Sept of Baelor is dead? Cersei tells Qyburn to burn his body and then bury the ashes where the Sept once stood, so that he can be with the rest of his family. It's a touching sentiment, but she can't cause the fire and then offer put it out. Tommen died because of her. 

Cut to the near-end of the episode, and Jaime and Bronn are riding into King's Landing, grinning from their success at Riverrun. 

Jaime: "Ah, a mission gone successful. Can't wait to take this news to Tommen. Life is good. Nothing can ruin my day."

*Sees the gigantic smoke cloud in the middle of the city*

Jaime: "Are you kidding me!? These bloody writers have no chill." 

He and Bronn speed off to the Red Keep.

Cersei has had a good day. She wanted to kill the pigs who imprisoned her, as well as her annoying rose essence in-laws, so she huffed and she puffed and she blew the house down. Then she found out her son died. After mourning for a couple of minutes, she looked around to see if she could find something to possibly lift her spirits. And pretty soon, she saw it. It was the fucking IRON THRONE. Wow, she is one high maintenance aunty. 

She gets what she wants. Cersei leads a procession in the Throne room and walks up to the Iron Throne. Jaime enters the room and watches as Qyburn proclaims her Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Qyburn crowns her and she sits on the Iron Throne. She smiles uncomfortably, quickly regretting this decision and wishes for a bean bag. Still, she knows she's beat everyone. Check and mate.

Speaking of mate, Jaime seems pretty upset with her, and we see them glare at each other. Here's the conversation that's soon to happen, once Cersei and Jaime meet alone.

Jaime: "I killed the Mad King because he was going to burn everyone alive. Now you've gone and done just that, you ass."

Cersei: "You're right, but chill. Now, we can do whatever we want."

Jaime: "Shut up, I'm damn pissed off with you. We lost our third child too!"

Cersei: "If you chill out, we can go now and make some more."

Jaime: "... You're right, I'm overreacting. God save the queen. Let's go."

But for now, all we know is that Cersei is the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. That's way too much power for one crazy woman. That's like giving Donald Trump nuclear missile codes. Cersei is also the first female ruler of Westeros, and she just grabs that title before Dany can get to it. Daenerys will probably want revenge for that, but she's going to have her work cut out for her. 

The Riverlands:

The beautiful Walder Frey raises his cup and toasts to what he sees as joint victory for the Freys and the Lannisters. But we all know that the Freys didn't do shit. It was Jaime who came and blackmailed Edmure into giving up the castle, while the myriad Freys just made even more Freys in their tents. 

Batman and Robin chill together at the Frey's feast. Jaime gets all the girls, Bronn wants all the girls, so Jaime becomes the best wingman in the world and wins Bronn two girls in as many seconds. Bronn leaves with them and Walder Frey drops his prehistoric butt on the empty seat, and talks to Jaime. 

He's happy about their recapturing Riverrun, and says that Edmure has been imprisoned again. He says he didn't murder him because it would "give the family a bad name," clearly embracing the irony of what he's just said.  I love it when villains can acknowledge that they are pure ass. He then talks proudly about how he has defeated all his enemies, and how people now fear him. Jaime, who's been getting more and more annoyed with him, suddenly loses his cool and annihilates him:

Jaime: "But people don't fear the Freys, they fear the Lannisters. You didn't do shit. You're more useless than an origami condom. And by the size of your family, it seems like you all use one. We don't need you."

Walder Frey: "Hey, hey. There's no 'I' in team."

Jaime: "What are you, a girl's scout? This alliance is over." He leaves the hall. 

In the next segment, Walder Frey is drinking his woes away. The serving lady who smiled at Jaime, now comes and gives Walder Frey some yummy looking pie. He chivalrously calls her "too pretty" to be one of his own serving ladies, and smacks her in the butt. Such an affectionate man. He then asks her where Lothar and Black Walder are. A scene quite like the one in Little Red Riding Hood takes place.

Walder Frey: "Why are my sons missing?"

The Big Bad (Dire)wolf: "The better to feed you with, my dear." She points to the pie. 

Walder Frey opens the top crust of the excellently made pie, and finds a tooth. Turns out this lady actually won MasterChef last year, and is one hell of a baker, and has just made Walder Frey eat some humble pie. She then pulls off her face, and BAM! It's Arya Stark! I, for one, started flipping out when this happened. She tells Walder Frey who she is, and that he should know that a Stark is going to smile down at him as he dies. She pulls out Needle, slices his neck and smiles, perhaps a little psychotically.

Walder Frey is dead, and the Red Wedding is successfully avenged by a Stark. So we know what Arya's plans are in Westeros: she's made a to-kill list on Evernote and she's going to strike off every name on it. In one video, David Benioff says we should worry whether Arya is becoming excessively ruthless. I really hope they don't put her on that kind of an arc. I think we all want her to meet Jon, and become Jon's own trained assassin: his secret weapon. 

The Citadel:

Sam, Gilly and Little Sam have arrived at the Citadel. They spent all their cash travelling in a first class enclosed carriage to their home at Horn Hill, so now they have to travel at the back of some ultra cheap horse cart. They dismount near the Citadel and take in the view of a huge tower with a flame burning at the top. Welcome to Harvard. 

Sam and Gilly enter the Citadel, and the receptionist is at his desk reading some Archie comics. Sam sings "hello," and the man looks up annoyed. Sam isn't very au courant with news from Castle Black, and hands over the letter from "Lord Commander" Jon Snow. If you thought that was bad, the maester at the desk beats Sam at his own game; he tells Sam that according to their records, Jeor Mormont, who died in Season 3, is the Lord Commander. He also believes that Maester Aemon is their Maester.   

Sam: "Sorry for not updating you. We were going through a tough time and we didn't have enough food, so we ate our ravens. Long story short, I'm the new maester and you have to teach me shit."

Receptionist: "This is irregular."

Sam: "Well, I suppose life is irregular." The receptionist becomes nauseous at this. 

He forgives Sam for this terrible line, and gives him a library card. He tells Sam to follow, but when he sees Gilly follow, he says, "No women or children!" Sam feels bad but still ditches his girlfriend for his true love, books. I saw a tweet earlier that summed this up perfectly:

When you're sorry for the patriarchy, but not too sorry.

Sam is shown into a huge library, and is given leave to check it out for himself. Sam walks down an aisle filled with books... and chains? He looks around with wide eyes, like The Hound would at KFC, and proceeds past the books until he sees the center of the hall. And there he sees it, what he'd traveled all this way for: even more books! To some grand beautiful music, he looks around the impossibly large library with a wide smile, and almost cries as he takes it all in. 

The scene is awesome, and I'm really happy for Sam. I think he's the key to finding out how to make Dragonglass, and Wildfire, the primary things that can be used to stop the White Walkers. Unfortunately, I expect that next season, there won't be too many shots of him learning. But whenever he learns something useful, he'll probably send it over to Jon by raven. Another reason I loved the scene is because they showed us this: 

Golden gyroscope-like device at Citadel.

The device from the theme song

Hanging from the ceiling, are a bunch of round instruments, possibly used for educational or astronomical purposes. Or maybe Quidditch, I don't know. Recognize the one in the second picture? It's the round gyroscope-like thing that appears in the middle of the theme song. I've always wondered what it was, and the creators finally decided to show us, by incorporating it into the episode. Another "reveal" of sorts. This finale was sexy on so many levels.

Dorne:

There's a tiny scene in Dorne, but a HUGE event transpires in these short, well-used minutes. 

Olenna Tyrell is in Dorne, in conversation with Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes. Olenna questions her safety there, but Obara attempts to console her fears. Olenna savagely insults and quietens each of the three Sand Snakes. Nothing I say can really top her lines, so you should probably rewatch this scene, just for that. She efficaciously makes them shut up and speaks with the "grown woman," Ellaria. 

Ellaria tells Olenna that King's Landing has declared war on House Tyrell (green kaboom, remember?), and has declared war on Dorne (other way around, since Dorne killed Myrcella). She says that they must become allies to survive. On Olenna's disinclination to "survive," Ellaria amends her sentence and offers Olenna her "heart's desire." She rings a bell, to call someone, while offering "vengeance" and "justice." As predicted, Varys has come to Dorne for his "secret mission," and enters the scene now. The poor fellow traveled all the way across the world to say just three short, but powerful words: they offer "Fire and Blood."

And just like that, in under two minutes, we have a three-way alliance between Dorne, Highgarden and House Targaryen. Truly, a lesson from the writers in time management.

Meereen (and the Narrow Sea):

In a peaceful Meeren, Dany and her lover, Daario Naharis, are in confab. Daario talks about watching how the Dothraki fare, sailing on the ocean, but Dany tells him that he isn't coming with them. 

Daario: "So I'm coming later?"

Dany: "You're not coming ever. You're staying in Meereen and keeping the peace."

Daario: "What! Can I be ruler here?"

Dany: "Nope."

Daario: "Can I at least select the rulers?"

Dany: "Nope. Meereen will select it's own rulers."

Daario: "Well, this sucks."

Dany: "Also, we're breaking up."

After some initial resistance, Daario, being the gentleman that he is, takes it really well. He figures that Tyrion inspired this move. Dany can't hope to make marital alliances in Westeros with him there, since already having a boyfriend might be a mild hindrance in finding a husband. He chivalrously tells Dany that she's ruined all women for him, because

who can follow the Mother of Dragons? He tells her that she'll get her throne, compliments her, and even bows before he leaves her. Wow. Break-up goals.

This next scene was my favourite scene in the finale. Tyrion is seated on a step, waiting in a big hall. Dany approaches him and they have a heart-to-heart conversation. Tyrion fails to console her about her recent break-up. Tyrion tells her that she should be excited and terrified about being in the "Great game," since she now has all she needs to go to Westeros. When Dany worries about being scarily detached from Daario, Tyrion fails to console her again. Dany begins to doubt whether she should give Tyrion his gift now.

Tyrion, who's been standing on the step and looking down Dany's dress, has already seen the gift. He realizes that he better do something quick to impress her and ensure he gets it. He gives her a sappy dialogue about how he's always been a cynic who has had faith in nothing, until now, because he has finally found faith in her. 

Tyrion: "I'd swear you my sword, but I don't actually own a sword."

Daenerys: "It's your counsel I need."

Tyrion: "It's yours, now and always." Emotional moment.

Dany is sufficiently buttered up by this and decides to give Tyrion his gift. She pulls out a pin much like the one that Tyrion wore when he was Hand of the King to Joffrey, and pins it on his chest. In her most glorious voice, she names him Hand of the Queen. Tyrion thinks, "finally!", as he kneels down before her. It's a grand moment, and one that I've been hoping for ever since Tyrion and Dany met last season. This partnership between these phenomenally gifted characters, is going to lead to some awesome scenes, I can tell. 

The final Dany scene takes place after the three-way alliance in Dorne has taken place. It's a scene with no dialogues, but a high budget one with a whole bunch of ships sailing to Westeros. We see Theon and Yara flying Krakken sails. We see the Dothraki holding in their vomit, while their horses are locked in stables. We see ships with yellow Martell banners (seems like Ellaria is carrying forward the Martell sygil), and green Tyrell sails. Predominantly dotting the sea, we see black and red Targaryen sails, carrying Dany's Unsullied and Dothraki. Dany's dragons fly overhead, following their mother. And, at the head of the fleet, is Dany's ship. Dany, Tyrion, Missandei and Varys stand majestically on the deck, as the armada of ships heads for Westeros. 

Everyone is freaking out about Varys "teleporting" to Dorne and back, or Varys being The Flash. But no one said that these scenes happened in the span of one hour. The way I see it, he made the alliance, then Dorne and Highgarden sent him back with some of their extra ships, and a few weeks later Dany came to Westeros with all of her might. So enough of that, let's focus on the important thing: Dany has finally come to Westeros. Prepare for some Fire and Blood. 

Winterfell:

Jon Snow is back at his childhood home, Winterfell. He's spending his newfound free time impressing Melisandre by giving her a tour of his swanky new mansion. He complains about how his entire family would sit at the table at eat fancy feasts, while he would sit and eat on the ground. 

Melisandre: "Be grateful, Jon Snow. Most people don't have the ground."

Jon Snow: "What?"

Melisandre: "Yeah, I'm cryptic AF."

Davos then storms into the room and throws something without any notice. Melisandre Singh Dhoni, using reflexes honed over hundreds of years, catches the thingie with no effort. The thingie is Davos' wooden deer doll, and Davos yells at her to explain herself. Melisandre knows that Davos' split personality is a super sleuth, and doesn't even try to deny the truth. She admits that it belonged to the princess Shireen and that she burnt her at the stake, at the Lord of Light's behest. 

The argument that's been coming all season finally takes place, and the two of them bitterly lock horns. Liam Cunningham does a smashing job of depicting the bereaved father figure, while Melisandre is composed but visibly defensive. 

Melisandre: "The Lord of Light commanded me to kill her, and we had no other way."

Davos: "If he commands you to burn children, your Lord is evil."

Good point. 

M: 0, D: 1

Davos: "I loved that girl, like she was my own. She was good, she was kind and you killed her!"

Davos gets another point simply for the incredibly moving delivery of this dialogue. 

M: 0, D: 2

Melisandre: "So did her father. So did her mother. Her own blood knew it was the only way."

Davos: "The only way for what? They all died anyway!"

Irrefutable logic.

M: 0, D: 3

The argument goes on a little beyond this, with Davos saying that Melisandre's fallacious predictions caused the deaths of so many of Stannis' men. But at this point, we already have a clear winner, so Mercy Rule applies. Davos wins. 

All this time, Jon's been standing awkwardly in the corner, like, "so much for that tour." Davos now turns to Jon and asks for permission to execute Melisandre as a murderer. Admittedly, the laws in Westeros are a bit skewed and confusing, but I think we can unanimously agree that child murder seems a valid reason to execute someone (in their world). Jon Snow asks Melisandre if she has anything to say for herself, but given her debate skills in the recent argument, we don't really expect much from her. 

Melisandre exceeds our expectations:

Melisandre: "Well, uh... The Lord of Light- "

Jon Snow: "Nope. Wrong answer. You're out."

But then, in the last moment, Melisandre flutters her eyelashes coyly at Jon. It works. (Actually she says that Jon needs her to beat the Night King.)

Jon Snow: "But actually, I've always been against capital punishment. Melisandre, instead, you can take a horse and ride south, where it's nice and warm. And make sure you stay there, okay?"

Melisandre: "Okie dokie!"

Davos: "Oh, FFS"

Davos threatens to personally kill Melisandre if she ever returns north. Melisandre, who's gotten off easy, sassily burps in his face and leaves. 

We see Melisandre leave the castle, riding her horse south. Jon Snow watches broodingly from the castle's battlements, while Sansa sneakily walks into the scene. They make small talk about who gets their parents' room, and then they bring up another important discussion that was bound to happen. They discuss Sansa's secret alliance with the Knights of the Vale. 



Jon: "Why didn't you tell me that Petyr had offered to help you?"

Sansa: "Forgot, lol. Sorry."

Jon: "Fair enough. Next time, tell me." He kisses her on the head and turns to leave.

What? That's it? I expected so much more from them, about this seeming flaw in the story. This is my one cavil: they should have explained Sansa's reticence a little better. If I had to make an interpretation based on what we're given, I'd say that she hadn't yet completely come to trust Jon the way she trusted her other brothers. He was still the bastard son of Ned Stark, and they were never close as children, as they both admit. But still, I feel this was poorly handled. If she had told Jon, they could have saved so many more lives in that war.

As Jon is leaving, Sansa calls out and tells him that a white raven had come from the Citadel. The Stark words change from future tense to present tense: Winter is here. Jon grins widely as he looks up at the sky. 

Jon: "Well, Father always promised didn't he?"

Sansa: "Stop smiling, you ass. It was meant as a warning, not a weather report."

The scene ends with Sansa looking at a snowy landscape. We now know that the next season is going to see a lot of snow. The writers are going to have starvation, frostbite and White Walkers as new means of killing off characters. Sam Tarly better start learning how to fight off all these cold-related threats quickly. 

In the next scene, it's Sansa again, sitting under a weirwood tree. Baelish approaches her and apologizes for disturbing her prayer. She reveals her thoughts to him (why?) and says how she used to pray to be elsewhere as a child, and how she now realizes that she was an ungrateful girl. Littlefinger then goes and gives us an uber creepy dialogue:

Littlefinger: "Whenever I wanna do something, I ask myself whether doing it will help me fulfill this picture in my head. A picture of me on the Iron Throne..."

Sansa: "Yes, yes. Everyone dreams that."

Littlefinger: "... and you by my side."

Sansa: 

For all of Littlefinger's skills, judging the moment isn't one of them. He seems to think that Sansa is completely smitten by his terrible pickup-line. He leans forward for a kiss. Sansa, meanwhile, has no clue what's going on. But Lady Sansa is still a lady. She politely pushes him away, and says, "It's a pretty picture," and walks away with dignity. Totally uncle-zoned. If I were Petyr, I'd have killed myself then and there. 

They then talk about the future, and Littlefinger says that Sansa is the future of House Stark, and that he's declared for House Stark (no shit!). He asks her rhetorically who the North should rally behind, a trueborn daughter of Ned, or his bastard son born in the south. Sansa seems to really dwell on this, before leaving. 

I really hope that the next season doesn't draw out any more conflict between Sansa and Jon. Sure, there's bound to be some jealousy as the two are still learning to respect one another. We saw this when Sansa was upset about not being consulted during the war council. But this will be an annoying arc, and I hope the plot doesn't devolve into petty spats between Jon and Sansa. There are much bigger issues to deal with, as we know.

The final Winterfell segment starts with a slow dramatic zoom-out from Jon's face, right after we see the baby in Bran's vision (more on that soon). Right now, Jon and Sansa are sitting at the head table in that same hall where Davos and Melisandre had fought earlier. 

The Wildling leaders,  leaders of Northern houses, and some Knights of the Vale including their Lord, Petyr Baelish, are all gathered and squabbling over everything and nothing. People claim that the Wildlings invaded their lands, but Tormund says he was invited.

"Not by me!" says some 70-year-old child.

Jon stands up and attempts to calm these angry toddlers. He tells them that they fought united on the battlefield, and that they should stand together to fight the real enemy. He says that these Lords shouldn't hide in their castles, because the "real enemies" aren't just White Walkers... they're Walter White Walkers. When the storm comes knocking, they won't wait out the storm. They bring the storm. They are the ones who knock. 

The room is visibly stunned at this. Then, just to drive it all in, we get a brilliant monologue from the newest hype character of the scene, Lyanna Mormont. The dialogue is not only brilliant in writing and delivery, but also visually hilarious in that a 10-year-old girl is lecturing a gathering of old men. In cute thick lisp, she picks on the Manderlys, the Glovers and the Cerwyns for not answering Jon's call, when they each had a clear reason to. She says proudly that House Mormont remembers. She acknowledges Jon Snow as The King in the North because Ned Starks blood runs through his veins, and swears allegiance to him. The rest of the room sits in awed silence. 

Then, Lord Manderly says, "I didn't want my men to die in the war because after Robb was killed, I thought you might suck." He admits his mistake and swears allegiance to Jon Snow as King in the North. 

Lord Glover says, "I screwed up, won't happen again, something something, King in the North!"

Soon everyone gets hyper and no one wants to be left out. Everyone starts shouting "King in the North!" over and over. Jon stands up slowly and majestically, and the scene ends on a grand, happy note.

So we have a new King in the North, just like Robb Stark was a few seasons back. Jon has a huge army right now, with pretty much all the major Northern houses rallying behind him. He's also got the Wildlings and the Knights of the Vale behind him. Now, seeing as the Lannisters have no friends after this episode, the Starks are possibly the strongest force in Westeros. Yay. Also, Jon went from dead to King in the span of one season. That's the kind of change that can only happen on Game of Thrones. 

North of the Wall:

Benjen Stark drops Bran and Meera off near the Wall. The security check at The Wall bans liquids more than 100 ml and the walking dead. Since Benjen is partially dead, from his not-so-good encounter with White Walkers, he can't pass. Bran couldn't care less, and is silently ogling Meera, so it's Meera who behaves like the adult and asks Benjen all the polite questions. She asks Benjen where he will go. He replies saying he intends to stay North of the Wall and do his bit fighting the White Walkers. 

Benjen: "I'll do what I can, as long as I can." Are all Starks nice?

Just as Benjen's about to leave, Meera glares at Bran, like, "Where are your manners?" As if Benjen had given him a Snickers bar, and not saved their lives, Bran tersely says, "thank you, Uncle Benjen," and proceeds with his ogling. Benjen rides off like a boss.

Bran is now conveniently seated at the foot of a Weirwood tree, and all Weirwood trees double as Wifi hotspots. He reaches forward to connect to the network, but Meera stops him. She asks him whether he'll be able to handle himself and won't cause another "hold the door" situation. Bran tries to pull off a sexy voice to impress Meera, and says that he's the Three-Eyed Raven now; he has to be ready for this. He touches the tree and streams that episode that he didn't finish watching: the Tower of Joy one.

Last we saw, young Ned Stark had turned around upon hearing Bran, didn't see Bran, and then proceeded right up the stairs to the Tower of Joy. Bran gets to follow Ned up the stairs this time, and watches him burst into a bedroom. On the bed is Lyanna Stark, Ned's younger sister, covered in blood as a consequence of childbirth. She has birthed a child, whose father is Rhaegar Targaryen (her lover / kidnapper, depending on who you ask in the Seven Kingdoms). She is dying, but she holds Ned's hand and an emotional scene unfolds.

Ned confirms that he isn't a dream, and he asks the handmaidens for some water and a maester to help her, but Lyanna stops him. She whispers something in his ear, which is inaudible. But after multiple watches and online confirmations, I can almost certainly say it was, "his name is -", something. The name itself is strongly speculated to be Jaehaerys, which I believe too (but no promises). The baby is handed over to Ned. She makes Ned promise to protect him from Robert, who at the time was nuts about killing anyone with Targaryen blood. Ned sadly promises and the camera zooms into the baby's face. 

The next scene is actually a zoom-in of Jon's face at Winterfell, which is the awesomely cinematic, but also somewhat spoonfeeding way of telling non-book-readers that that baby grew up to be Jon Snow. Book-readers everywhere gasp in surprise at ANOTHER confirmation of a huge fan theory that has been in limbo, until now. Congrats Bran, you finally did something useful this season. 

Speaking of Bran, we actually find something else noteworthy about him in this episode. Clips from the finale's wildfire scene were actually shown in Bran's visions back in episode 6, ergo Bran can look into the future as well! I hope they take advantage of this in Season 7. 

Looking into the future like Disney's original Raven.

So, we no longer have to whisper "R+L = J" like it's some uncrackable secret. Every passing idiot knew of the theory, and now it's finally become fact. Thing is, Jon still doesn't know about his parentage himself. He's still ruling Winterfell thinking that he's a Stark son, and all the lords believe it too. I wonder how they'll take it when they find out he's a Targaryen. But until then, ignorance is bliss, I suppose. 

Post episode:

Another 10 out of 10 on IMDb. This episode was a beauty. So many events, revelations and deaths, but all them very satisfying and superbly shown. Here are my thoughts on the prevalent themes of this season and major predictions for the next:

1) House Baratheon was already gone. House Martell is now gone. House Tyrell (apart from Olenna) is gone. House Lannister has no heirs. House Tully (except Edmure in his cell) is gone. So many houses and characters are being removed to help clear the board, and start focusing the show on those that really matter. People are complaining about the 7-episode rumour for Season 7. But with all of these deaths, I can see why. Each episode can focus on the main characters a lot more. 

2) Sansa calls the Knights of the Vale and saves the Starks. Arya becomes No One and kills Walder Frey. Cersei kills everyone and becomes Queen. Dany rules the Dothraki all by herself, kills the Slavers and is now headed to Westeros. This season was HBO's tribute to the show's women. It was their way of saying, "Men, you were given your chance, and you royally screwed it up. Now, let the women take charge." 

3) Jon is literally the only eligible bachelor in Westeros with any kind of decent title. Dany is looking for marital ties. Make the connection. 

4) Although we know R+L = J, Jon (or Jaehaerys) doesn't. Which means that we can expect (sooner or later) a meeting between Bran and Jon. This might take some time though, since Bran still needs to learn more about his powers. 

5) Arya managed to make it all the way into Walder Frey's dining room without issue. I think that she can make it to Winterfell, where the gates will be open to her. We can hope for a Stark reunion! But we won't be granted that so easily. It's a little too easy at the moment to bring Bran and Arya to Winterfell.

6) Cersei is queen and Dany wants the throne, so we can expect a War of the women next season. Since House Lannister currently has no major allies, while House Targaryen has lots, plus some dragons, Dany already has the upper hand. So they might even make this happen pretty early on in the season.

7) The Night's Watch needs men and food. Jon Snow will probably start the next season making some radical moves to go help them.

And that's it. I'm done. This season was awesome, the best one by far. While Winter has come in the show, we still have to find new ways to cope with a long summer ahead. Love this show to bits, and I thoroughly enjoyed writing these reviews. I hoped you enjoyed reading this.